Need: You and Me
by Are-san
Summary: Renji and Ichigo are still friends after the war, still close as can be. But what happens when the pain leftover from a thousand battles is just too much to handle alone? When the need you feel for another person's touch is too great?


_Need: You and Me_

**Okay, so this is a first attempt at trying a more angsty smut one-shot. As those of you know who've read my previous work, I usually write humorous smut, with little snippets of sarcasm and laughs. Because that's how I figure Ichigo and Renji's relationship would work. But both our boys have a serious side too, and they've both faced some pretty heavy stuff, so this fic is dedicated to the darker side of Bleach. It's somewhat inspired by the songs "Inside your Heaven" by Carrie Underwood and "Saviour" by Skillet. Please Enjoy!**

**P.S. For those of you waiting on updates for "Gender Bender" or "Crimson and Ebony", the new chapters are almost finished so no worries!**

-//-

It was late, real late, and we were tired. Come to think of it, that may have been why this started in the first place.

We were dragging our bruised and bloody souls up the street to your house, and I could have sworn the world was swimming around me in fatigue and possibly blood loss. I had suggested that I head to Urahara-san's somewhere along the way, but you shot me down, pointing out that your house was closer, and Rukia was not here to fill the space in the closet anyway.

I wasn't sure why you were inviting me to your house, when normally you would've kicked me out on my ass despite our injuries, but I was too tired to think very hard on it, and I'm not much of a thinker at the best of times.

When we got there, at last, it was like the relief of knowing I could sleep had sparked just enough energy in me to jump up to the window and crawl my way inside. I never made it to the closet and just collapsed on the floor. It wasn't the smartest thing to do, perhaps, but I was so tired that the floor felt like a feather mattress to me. I heard you come in after me, though I was already on my way to passing out on your bedroom floor. You gave me a rather pathetic kick.

"Oi, Renji." You muttered, sounding even more tired than I felt. "You can't sleep yet, we have to treat our wounds." I hated it when you were right.

"Treat'm in th' mornin'" I slur back, voice muffled by my face against the ground.

"You know we shouldn't wait. Just a few minutes then we can both sleep."

I groaned and grumbled, tapping into some hidden store of energy in order to raise myself up off the floor and stand. "Alrigh', alrigh'." I complained as you dug out the first aid kit. You started keeping it beside your bed once you began getting attacked all the time. You pulled out the bandages and wrappings, which neither of us really know how to use properly. We just manage until we see someone who knows what they're doing.

You handed me some of the supplies and I sat beside you on your bed. You shrugged off the top of your shihakusho and I hissed through my teeth sympathetically at the black, angry looking bruise on your ribs that was exposed by the movement.

"Damn... Ribs broken?" I asked, I felt slightly more coherent with a task to concentrate on.

"Think so... Hurts..." You murmured, teeth gritting in pain and a whine escaping your throat when I pressed lightly on the bruise. I immediately stopped putting pressure on it, brow creasing in concern. I'd never seen you show pain like that before. You had bitched and complained, but always with an air of nonchalance about you, like it really wasn't that big of a deal. I could see the pain in your face, and it brought an ache to my chest. You looked to helplessly young in that moment, and the decades between our ages seemed to weigh heavily on me.

I wrapped the bandages firmly around your torso, stopping you from moving too much and hurting yourself while you slept. I let you take care of your more minor wounds before we finally focused on me.

I had a few cuts on my back, no big deal, but there was a large gash on my chest, and when you saw it your expression went dark and broody.

"Ichigo?" I murmured, confused at your face. You looked almost guilty over something.

"Looks like when I beat you that first time in Seireitei..." You whispered, and ran your fingers a little too roughly over the injury, making me wince in pain. "Sorry." You said quickly, though I got the impression you weren't just talking about touching me harshly.

"S'all in th' past now, right?" I said, doing my best to sound jovial. You looked up at me sadly while you adjusted my bandages.

"...If I'd known you then, I never would have fought you..." You said, and you turned away from me, hiding your eyes under a fringe of your autumn-orange hair.

"Same here." I replied, still attempting to be cheerful despite your obviously darkened mood. "But we didn't know each other, so it ain't a big deal, ne? 'Sides, there were some good mem'ries."

I reached a hand out and patted your shoulder lightly, but you didn't reply and I could feel myself frown.

"Ichi?" I questioned, eyes widening as I felt you tremble under my hand. I worried that you were more injured than I had first thought.

"R-Renji..." You whispered, and I heard your voice break, though you tried to hide it. "All the blood and fighting, it goes through my head over and over. What if you'd died that day? What if I'd... I'd..." You stopped trying to get the words out, ripping yourself out of my grasp, and I grew more concerned as you laid yourself onto your bed and turned away from me. "Go to bed, Renji." You demanded, though you didn't sound very convincing to me.

"Ichigo?" I asked again, and then I could see you shaking, shivering in the moonlight filtering through your window. And I think my heart broke. "Ichigo, it wasn't your fault. Everything that happened, the people who got hurt. That wasn't your fault."

I still think about the war too, I still have nightmares about it. We all do. And I knew then that you'd probably seen the worst of all of us.

I moved closer to you, and to my surprise you didn't pull away. You were still shaking, and I knew you were trying not to cry. But I didn't care if you looked macho right then. I wasn't interested in making fun of you. It wouldn't have been a joke then, it would've just hurt. I grabbed your shoulder again, and I rolled you over so I could see your face. You had tears in your eyes, and you looked at me with a lost, broken expression on your face, and I nearly cried too, because that look shattered me.

"C'mere..." I murmured, pulling you up to my chest, my hand still resting on your shoulder.

You clung to the front of my shirt, the same way I had clung to you once, when I'd begged you to save Rukia, when you'd given me a gash on my chest similar to the one I wore then.

You started sobbing, burying your face in my chest so I wouldn't see the tears streaming down your cheeks. But I didn't have to see them to know they were there, they soaked right though my top. I pulled the damp material away and pulled you closer to my bandaged shoulder, my arms wrapped loosely around your back as you cried and shook.

Had you spoken of the war at all since it ended? I couldn't recall a time when you had. I could only assume that you crying on my shoulder was a breach in your precious control. The emotions had finally broken through, hadn't they? And you had no one but me to catch you when you finally fell apart.

Sorry it wasn't someone better.

Eventually I felt your sobbing cease and you stilled in my embrace, relaxing against my hold. For a moment I thought you'd fallen asleep, but you looked up at me. Your gaze was dark, rich chocolate brown, and my breath hitched at your soft, innocent face. It was a face I'd never seen you wear before. You looked at me for a long time without saying anything, eyes looking heavy and tired, and your hand runs absently over my bare chest.

"Thanks...Renji..." You murmured, breath caressing my cheek. And I noticed how close we were, and how your fingers were tracing mindless little circles on my torso, and my twisted mind immediately turned to thoughts of sex. I could feel a flush rising up my face as I suddenly imagined your moist, soft-looking lips pressed against mine, against my body. I imagined returning the favour, and tasting every inch of you with my lips and tongue. I imagined myself making you forget everything and not worry any more. I imagined erasing that seemingly permanent frown for just a second. And before I could stop myself I'd leaned forward and kissed away the lingering tears on your cheeks, tasting the salt on my lips. You stared at me, as if stunned, but you didn't seem angry. So I leaned forward again and kissed your lips too.

You tasted so warm and sweet, and when you kissed me back I nearly died of bliss and relief. You were okay with this, you wanted me to make you forget. I could do that.

I'd forgotten that I was tired and sore, and that we really shouldn't do this sort of this for the sake of our friendship. All I cared about was getting rid of that sad, young, horrible look of grief and guilt on your face. So I laid you back down and kissed it away, exploring every inch of your smooth, handsome face with brushes of my lips.

When I moved down to your neck your breath was coming faster, and your pulse was thundering under my tongue, and I knew you were starting to lose yourself in sensation, that you weren't focussing on anything else. The thought that you trusted me enough to leave yourself vulnerable this way made me smile.

It didn't take long for me to remove your shinigami uniform, it was so big and loose on your thin frame, and I did just as I'd imagined. I tasted every part of you, listening intently to your reactions, every slight hitch of breath and hushed whimper was like a song in my blood that made me want more.

I started moving too fast, flicking my tongue sinfully across the pink nubs on your chest. You mewled loudly in surprise, and I remembered that you'd probably never done anything like that before. The thought excited me, and I felt myself grow hard.

But you were hard too, I could feel it pressing against my stomach, and when I worked my way further down your body I was greeted by the delicious sight of your arousal.

You stared down at me, body flushed and shiny with sweat and I licked my lips hungrily at the image you made under me. I licked your hot, stiff shaft from base to tip, and you let out the most intoxicating moan I'd ever heard.

I coated your whole length in saliva, taking my time to lap at all the sides until you were panting hard and watching me with glazed eyes. You were so sexy like that, with that dazed look on your face, so drunk on pleasure. I couldn't resist swallowing you whole and watching you howl and arch in pleasure. Though my throat was raw the next day, I still think it was worth it.

You were frantic then and as I sucked on your cock like those human icicle treats you whined and keened and bucked your hips like a bitch in heat. And it was so fucking hot when you did, and for a moment I thought I'd died again and gone to some sort of Heaven, because it was too good to be true.

Somewhere along the way I'd started bobbing my head over your length, and when you moaned my name, long and deep, I felt my own throb in need. I reached a hand into my hakama and stroked myself as I sucked you, letting your groans and the sound of my name on your lips fuel the fire.

You reached down and your hands your tangled in my hair. I felt the tie snap and my hair fell all around, tickling your hips and thighs with thick strands of blood red. I liked the colour on you.

After that I could feel your fingers tightening around the handfuls of hair you'd grabbed, and I knew how close you were, and I moved mindlessly in pursuit of your pleasure. I wanted you to orgasm, and forget, and I wanted to take all of your pleasure inside me and taste it on my eager-waiting tongue.

When you finally came into my watering mouth I nearly whimpered in ecstasy, listening to you groan my name over and over as you rode the waves of orgasm. I cleaned your sex tenderly of all the fluids that had dripped away before I finally left you alone. You were completely limp on the bed, your chest rising and falling quickly in harsh pants.

I pulled my hand out of my sticky hakama, pulling off my bandanna and using it to clean myself off as I removed my clothes. I looked at you as I undressed, you were watching me, staring at my body with a hungry look in your eyes and I couldn't help but smirk. You'd looked so innocent before, but the way you looked at me then was not the look of a youth or a child. It was very adult and you patted the bed beside you invitingly.

I chuckled and kissed your lips, settling onto the small bed with a little difficultly, as we shifted and tried to find room. Your kiss became a little more heated and I stopped you with a small smile.

"T'morrow, Ichigo." I promised. "'M too tired right now."

"'Kay." You replied, a small smile turning up the corners of your mouth. My heart swelled, because I was the one who put that smile on your face. "'Night, Renji."

We both slept well that night, no thought of war and death could reach us. And for the first time in months I slept the whole night through without nightmares and without sake to make me pass out. I didn't need some sort of sleeping drug from fourth squad or an exhausting round of sparring to make me forget.

I just needed you.

~//~

_**A Word from Our Sponsors (aka the Characters):**_

_Ichigo: "Are, what the hell is all this about???"_

_Are: "What? I thought it was a pretty nice story..."_

_Ichigo: "Since when am I a whining, crying baby???"_

_Are: "Well let's be realistic here, Ichi. You witnessed your mother's death when you were very young and since that point you've developed a sense of responsibility which causes you to become reserved and overprotective. It's been documented on numerous occasions that you bottle up you emotions and only reveal them in dramatic explosions of feelings. It usually involves you completely destroying a few buildings and then talking it out with someone after." ((← "ARE-SENSEI MODE"))_

_Ichigo: "..." ***stares at feet***_

_Renji: "Hey! Ya really do that! I ne'er noticed b'fore but ya do. Are, ya should be a shrink 'r somethin'!"_

_Are: "No, I'm just an avid fangirl." ***sips tea and grins at Renji*** _

_Renji: "... Is it that time again? Already?"_

_Are: "That's right. Now lose the clothes, you're not gonna need 'em for the next 48 hours..."_

_Renji: "... What th' fuck are ya gonna make me do that I'm gonna be naked for 48 hours?"_

_Are: ***evil laugh*** "You'll see..."_

_Ichigo: "... Can I watch?"_

_-//-_

Thanks for reading!


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